by Mary Oliver
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
What do I plan to do with my one wild and precious life?
No pressure. That's what has filled my mind recently...what I am I going to do with my life next? I go through anxious spurts where I research a plethora of options - all down to where I will live (like looking for an apartment or roommate, when I don't even have a job or prospects in a certain place). I am crazy. It makes me absolutely crazy for a few days. My most recent crazy spurt was deciding whether I should start a graduate program next year.
I'm not convinced that I should. I look at the debt I've acquired from UG and I'm not convinced that my next step should be to start a graduate program to acquire more debt...to get a 40+ hour/week job that can pay well...to go on life insurance by the time mine runs out at 26...I'm not convinced.
I'm not convinced that an MSW is my next step. If it was - I wouldn't have so much anxiety about it. I would know...and I don't know. I'm content with the idea of moving onto another place and seeking out a job that I will enjoy - no matter what it is. I want my next step to make me happy.
As I come off of a few days of crazy...I am remembering that it is this moment that I cherish. It is this moment that I live for. I make plans and scheme, but it is ultimately God whose plans will come to fruition. I will continue to seek the things that bring me joy - planning an incredible youth conference, reading about the Appalachian Trail, eating with my housemates, running at the Y, and searching for little joys in each day.
THIS is my one wild and precious life.